April, 2017 Blog

5 Things Couples Must Do To Connect Emotionally

  1. You must Listen to what your partner is saying about what their needs, feelings, or wants are. In session I tell people to turn on their mental tape recorder and just repeat back word for word what their partner just said.
  2. You must make sure you Understand what your partner just said not just in words but what the emotion behind the words were. In session I tell people to use the phrase, “OK so what you just said was…Help Me Understand.” Be very curious about what your partner said. The phase “Help Me Understand truly conveys that you are trying to attune to your partner because he/she is so important to you.
  3. You must Validate what your partner just said and felt. There is no arguing, disagreeing, discounting, etc. You get to a place where you can say, “So what you just said was you felt put down and unimportant when you cannot get my attention to discuss something important to you. That makes sense.
  4. This leads you to be able to Empathize with how he/she feels. In session I make sure the listening partner feels the same emotions that their partner is feeling right now.
  5. Finally, the listener must Follow what his or her own emotions are telling him or her what to do. In session I help the listener to first empathize and then look within to feel what their own emotion is saying. For example the listener may say, “I am sorry I said that to you that way please forgive me and I will try to be more careful about making you feel as important to me as you really are. Will you forgive me?

 

This is what I have couples practice in session because they must develop new neural networks in their right brain or what are often called the limbic networks of the brain. This is at the heart of the emotionally focused therapy (EFT) that I do with most of my couples clients. It is difficult to do yourselves without outside help, but once you practice this and some of the other things we do in emotionally focused sessions, emotional connection happens quite quickly. Then we use this same process to resolve past unresolved emotional ruptures so that the very things that forced couples apart became the same things that now draw them close together. At least the way I do this, it often has miraculous results to be truly honest.

 

I often find that even with very spiritually mature Christian couples that they are not emotionally close and do not know how to connect emotionally. Few men have any idea of how to give themselves to their spouses as Christ gave Himself to the church (Ephesians 5:25). Often times even spiritually mature women have almost entirely lost the sense of admiration or respect they had when they fell in love to begin with (1 Peter 3:1) Thus when I practice EFT with Christian couples I am helping them rewire the brain so as to be able to follow Scripture and enjoy the oneness that God has planned for them at the level of emotional connection. I love it! But you will likely not be able to do this without a EFT-trained Christian counselor like myself helping you.

 

Warm regards, Dr. Bruce


March 11, 2017 Blog

Experience Your Own Supernatural Healing Story

I now realize that for many decades I was stuck in my emotional and spiritual life. I never heard any person preach or teach about how God still heals people through healing prayer and what I call healing counseling. Today my first book has been published to tell my story and the story of many other people who have experienced God’s love and healing power. You can too!

 

My book was written for the average person who comes to see me for Christian healing counseling. It is solidly based on an integration of biblical teaching, healing teachings, brain psychology, counseling, and the Bible. The book is supported by my doctoral dissertation that provides a more technical level of detail. But not only have I experienced a total life transformation as a result of experiencing God’s love and healing power, this is now my life’s purpose, and that is what I do in my healing counseling practice.

 

I know that you can also have a transformation unlike any you imagined. Even if you are a mature Christian I can guarantee you if that if you have not experienced God’s emotional, psychological, and bodily healing power you are missing a vital component of what God has in store for you. Jesus preached and taught and He healed people (Matthew 4:23 and 9:35). The church’s teaching and preaching is highly sophisticated. But the church’s power to heal people at the exact point of their deepest needs is sorely lacking at least in the United States. But the power of the Lord is and always has been present for the healing of minds, hearts, and body parts!

 

I urge you to get and read a copy of my book, “Essentials of Christian Healing: How Healing Prayer and Healing Counseling Are Changing People’s Lives”. It is now available in e-book form at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Apple’s iBooks websites. It will soon be released in paperback. I want you to be able to talk about your own healing story just like so many others have who have at least begun to experience God this way. Peace, love, and joy! Dr. Bruce